How to talk about financial matters

Discussions about money matters are not always easy. Some people who are entirely rational about other issues are unpredictable or even careless in money matters. Adults need to accept that honest differences may exist among people and respect these values. The following ideas will help you discuss money with more confidence and candor

Get to Know Yourself 

 The first step in learning to talk with others about financial matters is to understand your own approach to money. Consider the emotions described earlier to help get you started. It is constructive to discuss any differences in how you view yourself as compared with how your partner views you

Focus on Commonalities 

Successful communication about money requires
that the effort be aimed toward agreeing on common goals and reaching a consensus
of opinion without substantially compromising the views of others 

Learn to Manage Financial Disagreements

 Give all family members time to express their views when discussing financial matters. Each also needs to listen to whatothers are saying and feeling. If talking proves too difficult, have each person separately write down his or her concerns. By swapping notes, ideas and concerns can be shared. Schedule a time and place for financial talks, decide on agenda items, and leave other conflicts outside the door. When necessary, agree to disagree or postpone difficult decisions until a later time—but do so consciously and not simply out of procrastination.

Use Positive “I” Statements Messages focusing on “I” describe the behavior in question, the feelings you experienced because of the behavior, and any tangible effect on you. For example, a spouse might say, “I feel upset when we use credit cards because I do not know where we will find the money to pay the bills at the end of the month.” “I” messages say three things: what (the behavior), I feel (feelings), because (reason). Using “I” messages helps build stronger relationships because they tell the other person “I trust you to decide what change in behavior is necessary.” Beware of “I” statements that begin with “I need you to ….” “You” statements are blaming statements, such as “You always …,” “You never …,” and “If you don’t, I will ….” These statements have a high probability of being condescending toother people, of making them feel guilty, and of implying that their needs and wantsare not as important as yours.

Be Honest and Talk Regularly 

Achieving consensus requires that each person be honest when talking about money matters. It further demands that couples regularly talk about finances. Be prepared to compromise. When you make decisions together, act on them. Focus attention on both current financial activities and issues as well as long-term financial planning. Use these discussions to forge overall longterm strategies for dealing with your family finances. Once the proper base has been established, short-term issues are more likely to fall into place.

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